Brown Monkey Theory

Nakakahiya. Hinihintay ko ‘yung mga kasama ko sa Starbucks, napa-aga ako ng isa’t kalahating oras. Naghanap siyempre ako ng mauupuan para may puwesto na kami mamaya, at since asthmatic ako bawal ako sa labas ng kapihan dahil sa mga dragon na mahilig sa nikotina.

Tago naman ang puwesto ko at so far, wala pa naman pumapansin sa akin. Nagbabasa ako kuno at kinakalikot ang selpon kahit wala namang load. Bakit kaya ang tagal ng mga iyon?

Lumipas ang mga minuto at ang aking kinakatakot ay dumating, may lumapit sa aking lola, with gold, brilyantitos and everything, at nagtanong kung ginagamit ko yung puwesto. Nahalata pala ako. Wala akong baso nung berdeng babae. In short, wala akong pasaporte sa mundong iyon. Sawsaw kumbaga, baka pa nga mukhang social climber.

Kinausap niya ako, nag-iinterrogate kumbaga. Nasabi ko na lang na may kasama akong nakapila. Bumenta naman at umalis ang matanda. Walang hiya, mapapagastos ako nito, kung ayaw ko nang lantarang pagsisinungaling.

Prinsipyo na ang pinaguusapan, ayaw ko nang magsinungaling, dapat lunukin na ang pagiging kuripot ko. Bwiseet. “Magkano nga ba ulit ang kape, mga onse pesos lang ata?” wika ko sa sarili ko. Huminga ako ng malalim at nagpagka-conyong lumapit sa isang nakangiting barista.

“Good afternoon sir may I take your order?”

“Excuse me ma’am, how much is your brewed coffee? Yung large niyo po.”

“A hundred pesos, sir.”

“What the holy galunggong, tama ba ang rinig ko?”

“Yes sir, a hundred pesos po.”

“Gaano kalaki naman?”

“Uhhhmmmm…Ganito po…Sulit naman po eh.” Sabay labas sa isang basong medyo mas malaki sa baso ng regular softdrink ng Mcdo.

“Haha… nice one, hindi nga gaano kalaki?”

“Uh, sir, ganito na po talaga.”

“Magkano naman kung wala yung baso, kahit yung kape lang, may baon naman akong mug diyan?”

“Uhhhmmm…guard.” Sabay kaway sa isang sekyu.

“Joke lang ate, ito naman o, sige na nga yung medium na lang, mamaya sabihin ninyo kuripot ako kung small. Magkano po ba iyon?”

“Eighty-five po.”

“Jumping fishball. Hindi nga? Hmmmm…Sige na nga o, ito eighty pesos for the cup at limang piso para dun sa kape.”

“Thanks po sir, ano pong name nila?”

“Para saan?”

“Ipreprepare po kasi ‘yung coffee ninyo, para matawag po namin kayo after it is done.”

“Oh, okay, baka naman listahan ninyo iyan ng mga iaalay ninyo sa demonyo…” pabulong kong nasabi.

“Excuse me po… hindi ko po narinig yung name niyo clearly.”

"..."

“Magus na lang po.”

"..."

"..."

"...uhmmmm... *sipol*..."

"..."

"Ano na?"

"..."

“Okay. Thank you po.”

"..."

"Pasalamat ka talaga laki ng tinubo mo sa aking anak ng hipon." aking nasabi sa sarili.

Sa wakas some peace and quiet. But for that wretched price of these “brewed coffee” *with conyo accent*, asar naman. Pero in fairness kahit ganun ang presyo marami pa rin ang dumadagsa. Marami ang bumili ng kape especially nung baso, with their names, tapos uupo - God knows how long. Apocalypse pa siguro ang magpapaalis sa mga iyon.

Our neo-colonialism reeks in these places of commerce. Well you can never blame them; the zeitgeist of the consumer’s society compels him/her to bow down to its self-imposed imperialistic standards. BS. Spending wantonly a hundred fifty pesos for a venti made from coffee beans that came from some third world country that is as chaotic and poor as our own. Worse, we feel disgusted or even apathetic on helping our poor countrymen, to give donations or do some benevolent humane cause even with something  half of what we pay for our precious coffee is just ironic, if not insulting. To tell you frankly, it tempts me to be quite happy and fulfilled if Simoun and his nitroglycerin-filled lamp did succeed.

But, even if the itch of "serves you right" still lingers, I must say that a bloody revolution would be and will be too much. The act of killing the ogre, and bathing oneself in the monster’s black blood in the process, will corrupt even the noblest and purest of warriors. Believe me the end never justifies the means, because the means will catch up on you in the end.

Returning to the issue, Starbucks is never the problem, it is good to pamper yourself once in a while, the rarity of such pampering will make it more beautiful. Masarap naman talaga ang kape sa Colombia or Java or kahit pa sa Buwan nang-galing basta paminsan-minsan. All I am trying to say is balance. Virtue, you see, is in the middle.

Starbucks is good when it makes you appreciate life, Starbucks is good if it promotes the understanding of another culture, and Starbucks is good if it serves as a refuge once in a while.

At the same time, Starbucks is not good when it makes you feel you deserve these lifestyles, remember the reality of poverty is only possible because and only because luxury exists, Starbucks is also not good when it serves as a testament to our imagined inferiority, breeds insecurity on the line of Juan Dela Cruz and propagate that cursed brown-monkey theory. And lastly, no one can ever deny that it is not good when people never leave the premises for hours after they had finished their coffee.